Los emokids entran y salen de mi vida en ondas irregulares que me obligan, esta vez sí, a traerlos aquí. Convertidos ya de forma firme en el último hazmerreir del rock (y con justicia: dejemos descansar a los góticos una temporada), les traigo hoy un par de orgullosos insultos al emo way of life. Por una parte, un clásico indiscutible del youtube con actitud: I Must Be Emo.

Dear Diary,
Mood: Apathetic
My life is spiraling downward. I couldn’t get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry Concert. It sucks cause they play some of my favorite songs like ‘Stab My Heart Because I Love You,’ and ‘Rip Apart My Soul,’ and of course, ‘Stabby Rip Stab Stab.” and it doesn’t help that I couldn’t get my hair to do that flippy thing either, like that guy from that band could do, some days you know. . .

I’m an emo kid, non-conforming as can be
You’d be non-conforming to if u look just like me
I have paint on my nails and make-up on my face
I’m almost emo enough to start shaving my legs
‘Cause I feel real deep when I’m dressing in drag
I call it freedom of expression most just call me a fag
‘Cause their dudes look like chicks, their chicks look like dykes
‘Cause emo is one step below transvestite

Stop my breathing and slit my throat
I must be emo
I don’t jump around when I go to shows
I must be emo

I’m dark and sensitive with low self-esteem
The way I dress makes everyday feel like Hallowe’en
I have no real problems but I like to make believe
I stole my sister’s mascara now I’m grounded for a week
Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies
I can’t get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing
Girls keep breaking up with me, it’s never any fun
They say they already have a pussy, they don’t need another one

Stop my breathing and slit my throat
I must be emo
I don’t jump around when I go to shows
I must be emo
Dye in my hair and polish on my toes
I must be emo
I play guitar and write suicide notes
I must be emo

My life is just a black abyss, you know, it’s so dark. and it’s suffocating me. grabbing a hold of me and tightening it’s grip, tighter than a pair of my little sister’s jeans . . . which look great on my by the way

When I get depressed I cut my wrists in every direction
Hearing songs about getting dumped give me an erection
I write in a live journal and wear thick rimmed glasses
I told my friends I bleed black and cry during classes
I’m just a bad, cheap imitation of Goth
You can read me “Catcher in the Rye,” and watch me jack off
I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life
If I said I like girls I’d only be half right

I look like I’m dead and dress like a homo
I must be emo
Screw X-BOX I play old school Nintendo
I must be emo
I like to whine and hate my parents
I must be emo
Me and my friends all look like clones
I must be emo

My parents just don’t get me you know. they think I’m gay just because they saw me kiss a guy. well, a couple of guys. but I mean, it’s the 2000s. can’t 2, or 4 dudes make-out with each other without being gay. I mean, chicks dig that kind of thing anyways. I don’t know diary, sometimes I think you’re the only one that gets me, you’re my best friend. . . . I feel like tacos.

Trasteando en los tutubos adyacentes (ya saben cómo funciona esto), me topo con esta absoluta maravilla de MadTV. Una de mis tendencias paródicas favoritas de la revista y el programa es la de establecer una retahíla de gags a partir de una asociación de ideas no necesariamente lógica (por ejempo, derivada de un juego de palabras). Este caso es especialmente brillante.

La puntilla la pone un experimento sociológico que inició Johnny Urethra hace unos meses, EMOfilia. Un fotolog tan obviamente falso y paródico que sólo podía ser tomado en serio por chavales sin sentido del humor. Exacto. Melancolía de tres al cuarto, depresiones de pastel, pareados con adverbios en mente… todo muy emo. Cuando se cansó del chiste y consideró que no daba más de sí, Urethra paró el invento. Lo ha retomado recientemente, y no podemos más que congratularnos. A ver si vuelve a atizarnos obras maestras como esta:

Este post fue escrito el Wednesday, March 21st, 2007 a las 5:01 pm y esta guardado en: Rock, Links, Tutubos.